I'm Not A Night Owl, I'm Just A Person Who Hates Mornings With A Passion
I'm Not A Player, I'm Just Really Good At This Game And You're Losing
I'm Not A Regular Grandma, I'm A Cool Grandma With A Secret Cookie Stash
I'm Not A Regular Mom, I'm A Cool Mom Who Still Texts In All Caps
I'm Not A Shopaholic, I'm Just Supporting The Economy One Bad Decision At A Time
I'm Not A Snack, I'm The Whole Damn Meal
I'm Not Addicted To My Phone, I'm Just In A Committed Relationship With It
I'm Not Aging, I'm Just Becoming A Classic
I'm Not Always Right, But I'm Right About You Being Wrong Right Now
I'm Not Always Sarcastic. Sometimes I'm Asleep.
I'm Not Annoying, I'm Just My Brother's Favorite Problem
I'm Not Antisocial, I'm Just Selectively Social And You're Not Selected
I'm Not Arguing Because I'm Right
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Dad's Taxi Service: No Tip Required, But Complaints Will Be Ignored
Dear Santa, Define "good"