Founder And Ceo Of Absolutely Nothing
Friends Are Just Family You Get To Choose, And I Clearly Chose Chaos
Friends Don't Let Friends Do Stupid Things Alone, That's Why I Came
Grandma's House: Where Diets Go To Die
Grandpa's Advice: Always Free, Rarely Useful, Never Forgotten
Happy Wife, Happy Life. Tired Husband, Still Alive.
Head Of Leaving Parties Without Saying Goodbye
Ho Ho Ho... Watch Your Hands
I Bought This Shirt So My Cat Has Something To Sleep On
I Can't Believe I Made It This Far Without A Manual
I Didn't Get Dressed Up For You, I Got Dressed Up To Ruin Your Ex's Day
I Don't Chase Anyone, But If You're Running, I'm Judging Your Form
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All I Want For Christmas Is You... Under The Mistletoe
Another Year Older, Still No Idea What I'm Doing
